Break Through

20 April 2007

Yesterday I had a break through. Yesterday I did something in Naples that I haven’t done since arriving. Something I do regularly at home; something that I miss doing.

Girlie chats over coffee.

It’s pretty simple, and probably something that most of my girlfriends elsewhere take for granted.

The problem is that here in Naples, Italy there are a number of cultural factors working against the idea of sitting in a café, over the coffee of your choice, for as long as you like, with a girlfriend (or three) gossiping, sharing news, revealing secrets and complaining about work, relationships and families.

Coffee is not ordinarily something that you sit down to consume. It’s a hit and run affair, generally conducted standing up at the counter, in front of the barrista, on the way to some place else.

I ordered a cappuccino yesterday afternoon. It was 5pm. Any decent Italian wouldn’t drink a cappuccino after 10am, but I felt like bucking the system.

The other factor is it is my experience that whenever you move to a new city it takes between 12-18 months to make any local friends of any depth or calibre. Moreover, for some reason it takes even longer for friends to sink below the tip of the iceberg and really get to know each other, personally. Neapolitans are certainly a very social lot but getting underneath the layer of superficial everyday conversation (albeit about politics, football, crime, food, city affairs and issues) is another matter.

When out and about, Neapolitans also tend to hang out in groups, sometimes making private one-on-one conversations impossible. Especially if it’s other friends, family or romantic partners that you want to discuss.

The final barrier is the language. Gossiping, confiding and empathising are sometimes difficult enough when you share a language. Working around unknown vocabulary, misunderstandings, moments of blankness (‘brain farts’ as Dana calls them) and cultural differences makes it even more challenging.

I have had girlie chats with some of my ex-pat friends, and everyday Dana and I catch up on the gossip and news after work. These friendships are equally important, but somehow easier with the same language, and similar communication style, lifestyle and background.

Yesterday I had a long, heart-warming conversation with a woman I felt a connection with the moment I laid eyes on her. Francesca and I have been talking about catching up, just the two of us, for some time. She has been to a couple of parties at our apartment but it’s never the right opportunity or environment to talk. So, with some nervousness I went to meet Francesca yesterday afternoon in Piazza Bellini. If there were one place to do the girlie chat it would have to be Piazza Bellini. With five cafes along one side of the piazza, al fresco seating, enormous palm trees, an impressive statue of Vincenzo Bellini (an Italian composer who trained at the Conservatory of Music in Naples and died at the age of 34 in 1835) and colourful historical buildings all around it is a beautiful space just waiting for relaxed, special moments.

I was nervous about my Italian language skills, and what was effectively going to be the first real time Francesca and I had spent together. I needn’t have been. The conversation flowed, just as it does with my girlfriends in Brisbane, London, and Melbourne. We swapped languages, sometimes speaking only in Italian or English, sometimes both. We talked about movies, our families, our jobs, our aspirations. We laughed. I almost cried twice.

I knew it was something special though when it occurred to me that this woman understands me. She accepts me for who I am. She is someone that I would be happy to bring home to my parents, my sisters and my other girlfriends.

I know that the friendship is just starting. However, I feel like I’ve known Francesca for a long time, and that we’ll be friends for a long time to come.

I’m looking forward to many more girlie chats over ill-timed cappuccinos in fabulous pockets of Naples.