Flailing Fulvio

What do you do when you have a job but nothing to do?

Imagine having to find something to do for eight hours each day, knowing that you are getting paid for it, whatever it is? What would you do?

How would you kill the time...or do you take offence to the thought of 'killing time', knowing that at some stage in the undoubtedly near future you are going to be cursing all of that time you had but no longer have and failed to use productively. If only you could turn back the clock and have those hours of flailing tardiness allocated to something helpful like stretching the clock when you are running late for a plane, or an extra hour in bed when you've had a big night and really don't want to get up, or an afternoon to take a leisurely stroll because you've already done the household chores.

A friend of mine, let's say his name is Fulvio for the sake of anonymity, is facing exactly this problem. In fact he has weeks of it stretching out before him before he starts a new job.

So, imagine you are sitting at a desk, in an office, surrounded by other employees who are probably busy, or at least pretending to be busy. You have access to a computer, printer, internet, phone and other assorted stationery. What would you do with eight hours each day?

1. Obviously there is surfing the net. Subtopics under that would be checking your emails, and replying to those that are personal and of interest. There is also internet banking to do, checking the pitiful state of your mortgage and credit card, and just maybe there's been a mistake and they've put a huge bonus into your account.
2. Internet sub topic 2 would be researching your next holiday
3. Internet sub topic 3 is keeping up to date with the latest news and any blogs of interest, oh and of course there is You tube and My space for hours of mindless entertainment.
4. Naturally you need to stay across important sites like www.oprah.com, www.kathandkim.com, www.kylie.com and www.beppegrillo.com
5. Then on to more serious things...perhaps you need to think about updating your latest Will and Testament...we are grown ups now and we drive, fly and use electricity so the chance of dying unexpectedly is quite high. You don't that house and crappy car and CD collection going to the government so get your Will up to date and it can go to your great aunt instead.
6. Momentarily abandoning the internet you need to spend say twenty minutes completely absorbed in a few prize games of Solitaire.
7. Oh, and before you forget pick up the phone and run through that list, call the insurance company for a new quote, book that crappy car in for a service next week, make sure the pest control guy is going to be at the house before 9am next Thursday, make a reservation for that family dinner at the local Chinese restaurant for Saturday night and call the guys in the drumming group and confirm practice is still on Sunday afternoon. Oh, and call your better half while your at it (that is your lover, not your mother).
8. Now that you've ticked off the list return to your computer and open Microsoft Excel. This is the exciting bit. Label twelve columns from January - December. Then down the left list all of your annual expenses...yep, you need to overhaul your budget and this is a perfect opportunity. Get cracking.
9. Remember that song you had buzzing around in your head? Well now that the budget has been saved and printed out for above lover to review and tweak, you have a chance to write down those lyrics that were floating through your head. Now, being careful not to sing out loud, go over the song in your head and see if the melody fits the rubbish lyrics you've scribbled down. It doesn't work at all does it, so get moving on making the changes.
10. It's only nine months before Christmas so now would be a great time to get cracking on that Christmas letter you always think about writing but never do. It doesn't have to be true, just make stuff up. You know, took a trip here, a trip there, worked on the house, mowed the lawn a few times, changed my job sometime in April, got engaged, but no solid plans on the wedding yet and certainly no sign of any children yet thank you very much. Add a couple of Christmassy type images and print out 50 copies to throw into those Christmas cards you never get around to writing....I wonder if you can buy Xmas cards in March??
11. Send an SMS message to above mentioned lover asking 'What's for dinner?' and depending on your expected energy levels at the end of such a strenuous day of nothing you could offer to cook. Or pick up Indian take away on the way home.
12. While you've got the time go back to the internet and surf around for some ideas on what you might like to wear to the wedding that you haven't yet set a date for. Imagine how organised you'll look when the bride-to-be asks what you want to wear and you already have an answered prepared. Something like 'white tux with powder blue ruffled shirt, silver bow tie and matching shoes' would be perfect. Oh and don't forget the carnation in your lapel. Brides are particularly concerned about the little details.
13. Now would be a good time to call your mum, but god damn them, you can't make international calls from work, so you have to settle for sitting quietly for ten minutes imagining the conversation you would have with your mum if you could.
14. That credit card statement arrived yesterday, so a little paper shuffling wouldn't go astray. Pull out the statement and all of the receipts you've saved and match them off, ticking the transactions off as you go. When you are done, staple the receipts to the back of the statement for filing when you get home.
15. In preparation for your last day at work, go through your drawer. Clean it out. Put that stash of stationery into your briefcase, and throw out whatever rubbish has accumulated. Get a wet tissue and scrub around a bit, removing the dust, pen marks and general grime.

So, that's about 8 hours of productive time wasting. It's time to go home.

See you again tomorrow I guess. Gosh, I wonder how we'll fill another eight hours?