Turkish Bath

Sunday afternoon. Gi and I have enjoyed a turkish steam bath with his sister Irene. She is now enjoying the pleasure and pain of her brother's massage skills. I have recently been thinking about how she's changed over the six months since we arrived in February.

Most change is slow, and Naples is a city that specialises in slow change. However, I am quite astounded at what has quietly been going on since we decided not to share living space with Gi's family. After several 'arguments' ("really, we were just talking Jenny"), tears and frustration we realised we had to walk away and let them be.

Here is an extract from an email I recently wrote to a girlfriend:

It’s something that I am most proud of, in a quiet way - the positive influence we are having on Gigi’s younger sister. Irene is 24 and hasn’t changed, progressed or achieved very much since we left in 1999 when she had just recently finished high school. She has spent much of the last 6 years asleep, in a depressed state, no real encouragement from either parent (for all manner of reasons), and no ambition. Our arrival and two months living with them shook things up considerably (understatement). After realising that we couldn’t actually ‘fix’ anything for either his sister or his mother, and certainly wouldn’t be happy living together, we resigned ourselves to getting on with living the lives we wanted, in Naples, hoping that if anything we might have an influence by ‘living by example’. Just before we moved into our own place a couple of big messy fights ended with emotional discussions about Irene still not having a drivers license, being held hostage in the house by the dog (long story), having no independence, refusing to look for work that wasn’t in a particular suburb (another long story) (I’m always sprouting off about getting a part time job as a start, only to be told that part time jobs don’t exist in Naples, sometimes my thinking can be so ‘Australian’ but I’ve learnt to shut up) and no ambition. One night she revealed that she’s done all this research for a college in Naples where she wants to study fashion design. I was gob smacked. After further questioning I was told it cost only €300 to enrol, then €190 each month for the tuition and materials. Irene receives €200 from her father each month as an allowance. She’s been waiting 6 years to start this study…after my fury subsided I told her, and her mother, it was terrible that she’s still waiting. I told her if you have the ambition, the motivation, and your health you’ve got the three most important things. The money is the easiest bit to find, for if you really want something the universe will find a way for it to happen. I know that my attitude towards achieving goals flies against every conventional belief in this city, and Gi’s jaded mother certainly thinks I’m nuts when I talk like this, but sometimes I just can’t help but let my ‘you-can-do-anything’ upbringing echo around the room.

Anyway, it is now four months later. Irene has quietly been thinking, saving and watching us. She has finished the theory part of her drivers licence and has had two formal driving lessons, and two practice sessions (now five) with her older brother. I sat in the back seat for one, and I gave her 6 ½ / 10 which she was very happy with. Her mother has moved the dog to a shelter. Irene has also quietly informed Gigi that she is looking for a part time job in the suburb where she lives (‘lowering her standards’, changing her previously exclusive criteria and eliminating all the public transport issues)….perhaps working as a sales assistant in a clothing store (something I suggested four months ago as it links in with the fashion design - at the time she completely snobbed the idea as way beneath her). The final thing is that this week she has secretly enrolled herself in the fashion design course and it starts in mid September. Her mother doesn’t know about the college enrolment yet as the subject causes an argument whenever they discuss it....(let's hope she doesn't read my blog!)

They joined us for a pizza dinner the other night, a farewell meal for Cieon who was leaving after ten days with us. Irene is looking happier and more relaxed each time I see her lately. She used to always look morose and withdrawn when out in the company of her mother. She has taken some big steps over the last six weeks, with more to come. Gi and I have learnt a valuable lesson in that you can’t save people from themselves, but you can light the way.

I watch with quiet anticipation and building pride, in the hope that Irene is on the path to finding herself and breaking out of the shackles that her parents have unknowingly bound her with.