28th April 2006 Napoli
Negotiating the roads of Naples is all about the swerve factor. Apart from being a moving target as a pedestrian, the only other reason why you should be on the road in Naples is as a driver or passenger in a vehicle. Of course this implies that there are lots of other reasons why the locals plant themselves in the middle of the road, but that’s for another time.
Driving in Naples is all about your ability to swerve. It has very little to do with your knowledge of the road rules, at least the traditional road rules as applied elsewhere in the world. It has even less to do with your ability to brake, or change the gears in accordance with your speed, the road conditions, or an impending change in your direction. It’s all about the swerve.
There are very few circumstances on a Neapolitan road when a good swerve won’t serve you well.
Imagine you are driving home from work, peak hour traffic, the single lane carriage has become two lanes of traffic in front of you, and you are already late for something (or just impatient, self centred and unconcerned with the lives of others). Instead of joining the growing queue of stationary cars, you swerve into the lane of oncoming traffic, squeezing in between the cars driving towards you, and those fools that are stopped and waiting in the traditional sense. To ensure your own safety, and the preservation of your vehicles exterior, you toot the horn, pressing harder for a sharper beep for those fools that haven’t realised you are driving directly into their path. Now, you might think I’m exaggerating, but it’s quite common practice and whenever I witness people swerving sharply left onto the wrong side of the road my heart leaps into my throat, waiting for the inevitable sound of impact and crushing metal. The only thing worse than watching from the lane of fools waiting for the traffic jam to clear in the conventional sense is to be in a vehicle where the driver has decided to take on the approaching traffic.
The roads here are not the best maintained. In fact you could hold a competition for the biggest pothole. The whole time I’ve spent in Naples, either as a resident or a tourist, I’ve only seen two road maintenance trucks filling potholes. One was in the modern, commercial area of Centro Direzionale (CDN), effectively the characterless business and government zone of glass skyscrapers. There are only a couple of areas in Naples where the rubbish is collected regularly, shop fronts cleaned routinely and a façade of order exists. CDN is one such area, and as such potholes in the surrounding roads are also plugged up more regularly. However, the underground car park is an altogether different matter, with rubbish bins overflowing and vehicles parked on top of each other. The second area is outside the front door of the apartment complex where Gi’s family reside, and that’s a private area, with a back entrance to a supermarket used largely by semi trailers and delivery trucks.
Keeping in mind that the roads are pitted with potholes much like a teenagers face with acne, and that bags of rubbish, articles of clothing and bits dropped off the back of trucks are another common inconvenience it’s no wonder local drivers have the swerve down pat. It doesn’t matter who you are driving with, they will swing left and right on the road to avoid the potholes (and items of rubbish), and thus avoid damage to the suspension of their cars. What makes it interesting is when they swing left around a pothole onto the wrong side of the road. Rest assured however that a quick swerve right would bring you back onto your side of the road and out of harms way. It does get tricky though when both sides of the road are suffering pothole damage, and the only place to go towards the centre dividing line (when there is one).
Pedestrians and people on bicycles are the other things that create a significant amount of swerving. Pedestrians have a habit of stepping off the curb into the incoming traffic with barely a glance. Drivers are expected to anticipate such moves, and instead of stopping which would probably cause someone to run up the back of you, they swerve around the moving target. Bicycles are a bit trickier in that old people who have slower reaction times and are a little less predictable generally ride them, although they are not afraid to tinkle their bells to warn you out of the way. Or it’s the ‘cyclists’ kitted out in their tight lycra shorts and matching shirts with logos and helmets, often travelling in packs, who have a special arrogance about them as though they own the road and are perfectly entitled to ride three abreast at a pace fitting for a Sunday afternoon stroll. Swerving bicycles tends to be more difficult because it is inevitable that when you find yourself behind a bicycle, or lycra pack, that there is a lorry, semi trailer or tractor coming the other way, and already driving half way across your lane.
Swerving on the highways and freeways is another experience. Generally these are three lanes across, with the right hand lane dedicated to slower drivers, and the left hand lane for overtaking. Indicators are not considered mandatory for driving in Italy, in fact they can be looked down on with disdain, and are often ignored because drivers simply forgot to turn them off, unable to hear the click, click sound above the arguing, mobile phone or blaring stereo. Those travelling in the far left lane are usually doing so at considerable speed and ordinarily drivers move in and out of this lane bowing to the ‘who goes faster wins’ rule. Occasionally someone will be dozing or dreaming at the wheel. This results in the speeding vehicle who’s now braked to slow down, flashing lights, beeping ferociously and tailgating dangerously (the locals crying out ‘zizza in bocca’ – literally tits in the mouth, meaning someone who sleeps while sucking at the breast, like a baby does), until the offending driver stirs slightly from their coma to slowly swerve enough for them to pass. Surprisingly very few drivers overtake on the right, although when some speedster does, swerving left and right through the traffic like he’s Michael (Schumacher of course) he is noticed and cursed as an imbecile by those left in his wake. (I use the pronoun ‘he’ because inevitably it is a driver pumped with testosterone, in a sleek, decked out car, with blacked out windows and the bass thumping that commits this highway sin).
There is one general rule that applies. If there is something, or someone, blocking your path, swerve. It doesn’t matter if you enter the other lane. It doesn’t matter if there are cars coming towards you. In a matter of microseconds everyone will recalculate the physics involved, making space for anything composed of atoms. It might mean driving off the road onto the gravel, or rubbing up against the cars parked along the side, or scaring the pants of a foreigner who can’t imagine how three cars will squeeze through a space for one. Braking is considered a last resort alternative, as that implies giving in, letting someone else get the better of you, letting someone else get ahead. Swerving means you keep moving, and if you keep moving you keep on winning. If you get the swerve factor down, you are a winner in this town!
Negotiating the roads of Naples is all about the swerve factor. Apart from being a moving target as a pedestrian, the only other reason why you should be on the road in Naples is as a driver or passenger in a vehicle. Of course this implies that there are lots of other reasons why the locals plant themselves in the middle of the road, but that’s for another time.
Driving in Naples is all about your ability to swerve. It has very little to do with your knowledge of the road rules, at least the traditional road rules as applied elsewhere in the world. It has even less to do with your ability to brake, or change the gears in accordance with your speed, the road conditions, or an impending change in your direction. It’s all about the swerve.
There are very few circumstances on a Neapolitan road when a good swerve won’t serve you well.
Imagine you are driving home from work, peak hour traffic, the single lane carriage has become two lanes of traffic in front of you, and you are already late for something (or just impatient, self centred and unconcerned with the lives of others). Instead of joining the growing queue of stationary cars, you swerve into the lane of oncoming traffic, squeezing in between the cars driving towards you, and those fools that are stopped and waiting in the traditional sense. To ensure your own safety, and the preservation of your vehicles exterior, you toot the horn, pressing harder for a sharper beep for those fools that haven’t realised you are driving directly into their path. Now, you might think I’m exaggerating, but it’s quite common practice and whenever I witness people swerving sharply left onto the wrong side of the road my heart leaps into my throat, waiting for the inevitable sound of impact and crushing metal. The only thing worse than watching from the lane of fools waiting for the traffic jam to clear in the conventional sense is to be in a vehicle where the driver has decided to take on the approaching traffic.
The roads here are not the best maintained. In fact you could hold a competition for the biggest pothole. The whole time I’ve spent in Naples, either as a resident or a tourist, I’ve only seen two road maintenance trucks filling potholes. One was in the modern, commercial area of Centro Direzionale (CDN), effectively the characterless business and government zone of glass skyscrapers. There are only a couple of areas in Naples where the rubbish is collected regularly, shop fronts cleaned routinely and a façade of order exists. CDN is one such area, and as such potholes in the surrounding roads are also plugged up more regularly. However, the underground car park is an altogether different matter, with rubbish bins overflowing and vehicles parked on top of each other. The second area is outside the front door of the apartment complex where Gi’s family reside, and that’s a private area, with a back entrance to a supermarket used largely by semi trailers and delivery trucks.
Keeping in mind that the roads are pitted with potholes much like a teenagers face with acne, and that bags of rubbish, articles of clothing and bits dropped off the back of trucks are another common inconvenience it’s no wonder local drivers have the swerve down pat. It doesn’t matter who you are driving with, they will swing left and right on the road to avoid the potholes (and items of rubbish), and thus avoid damage to the suspension of their cars. What makes it interesting is when they swing left around a pothole onto the wrong side of the road. Rest assured however that a quick swerve right would bring you back onto your side of the road and out of harms way. It does get tricky though when both sides of the road are suffering pothole damage, and the only place to go towards the centre dividing line (when there is one).
Pedestrians and people on bicycles are the other things that create a significant amount of swerving. Pedestrians have a habit of stepping off the curb into the incoming traffic with barely a glance. Drivers are expected to anticipate such moves, and instead of stopping which would probably cause someone to run up the back of you, they swerve around the moving target. Bicycles are a bit trickier in that old people who have slower reaction times and are a little less predictable generally ride them, although they are not afraid to tinkle their bells to warn you out of the way. Or it’s the ‘cyclists’ kitted out in their tight lycra shorts and matching shirts with logos and helmets, often travelling in packs, who have a special arrogance about them as though they own the road and are perfectly entitled to ride three abreast at a pace fitting for a Sunday afternoon stroll. Swerving bicycles tends to be more difficult because it is inevitable that when you find yourself behind a bicycle, or lycra pack, that there is a lorry, semi trailer or tractor coming the other way, and already driving half way across your lane.
Swerving on the highways and freeways is another experience. Generally these are three lanes across, with the right hand lane dedicated to slower drivers, and the left hand lane for overtaking. Indicators are not considered mandatory for driving in Italy, in fact they can be looked down on with disdain, and are often ignored because drivers simply forgot to turn them off, unable to hear the click, click sound above the arguing, mobile phone or blaring stereo. Those travelling in the far left lane are usually doing so at considerable speed and ordinarily drivers move in and out of this lane bowing to the ‘who goes faster wins’ rule. Occasionally someone will be dozing or dreaming at the wheel. This results in the speeding vehicle who’s now braked to slow down, flashing lights, beeping ferociously and tailgating dangerously (the locals crying out ‘zizza in bocca’ – literally tits in the mouth, meaning someone who sleeps while sucking at the breast, like a baby does), until the offending driver stirs slightly from their coma to slowly swerve enough for them to pass. Surprisingly very few drivers overtake on the right, although when some speedster does, swerving left and right through the traffic like he’s Michael (Schumacher of course) he is noticed and cursed as an imbecile by those left in his wake. (I use the pronoun ‘he’ because inevitably it is a driver pumped with testosterone, in a sleek, decked out car, with blacked out windows and the bass thumping that commits this highway sin).
There is one general rule that applies. If there is something, or someone, blocking your path, swerve. It doesn’t matter if you enter the other lane. It doesn’t matter if there are cars coming towards you. In a matter of microseconds everyone will recalculate the physics involved, making space for anything composed of atoms. It might mean driving off the road onto the gravel, or rubbing up against the cars parked along the side, or scaring the pants of a foreigner who can’t imagine how three cars will squeeze through a space for one. Braking is considered a last resort alternative, as that implies giving in, letting someone else get the better of you, letting someone else get ahead. Swerving means you keep moving, and if you keep moving you keep on winning. If you get the swerve factor down, you are a winner in this town!
